Searching for why

So this weekend I was once again out with Uclan Mountaineering doing my mother duck bit making sure everyone had a good weekend. We have been out in Scotland this time gallivanting in the snow up Ben Nevis rocking it up Number 4 Gully; but what has really made me think this weekend on pondering to myself "why am I putting myself through this?!" why do I actually climb mountains?
I mean because sometimes I truly hate it, my mind struggles to push through the physical demands and comprehend the mental weight of knowing there are sustained hours of it. You must be lying, deluded or simply insane if you don't think at least once in some small measure you've felt similar.

Now a thought occurred whilst scrolling down Facebook out of shear habit while taking absolutely no interest in it that what I crave is a wholeness of self.

I go up into the mountains to feel the simple wholehearted delight of challenging oneself and winning, I ache to free myself and escape from the loneliness of a long-distance relationship, the pressure of 3rd year, the stress of strained house-mate relations and the ultimate horror of leaving the relative comfort of university life. These weights float away in the crisp air leaving barely a ripple on my mind. In hillwalking I become the ultimate escape artist, I escape myself or at least the messy complicated me of real life so all that is left is one governed by the wind cutting through her coat and the melodic rhythm of boots across the rock.

I might slog up like a snail, panting and hating myself for being completely human (we would all like to be Wonder Woman) there are moments that I remind myself why! Normally when I'm sitting down with a cuppa or having a long-awaited shower but some niggly junkie in me says "Yeah that wasn't so bad! When are we going again?"

I challenge whoever bothers to read my waffle, why you bother going out into the cold to seek the thrill of those summits and the adventure? Why do you push yourself physically and mentally because it is hard work; where do you seek your reward?